I was engaging in relationship debates yesterday while eating brunch at one of my favorite restaurants in NYC. Of course, one topic that was discussed was how women, specifically black women, cannot really afford to be “picky” in choosing a mate. The reason is simply because there are just too many of us compared to the available good black men. Well of course, in true bitter fashion I said, “You know, my father forgot to mention to me that there are simply a shortage of women and that I would be “fighting” over the last few good black men left.” The reality is that I’m not sure I was prepared for this fight……
Simply stated, I feel bamboozled……… My father has always been truly inspiring and raised me to be a beautiful, confident, and educated black woman with VERY high standards. My father and I were very close when I was growing up and we talked about everything. However, during all those “you are beautiful speeches”, he conveniently left out the fact that this fancy little princess may end up being alone………………forever… simply because, “there are too many women” and not enough good black men. Another thing that my father failed to mention to me is that I might have to “expand” my search a little and be open to other races and types of men. Thus, prince charming may come wrapped in a rather different packaging then I originally anticipated.
Why couldn’t my father just be real with me and say, Ash I’m sorry but….. Black men are WINNING!!! Was my father, as a black man himself, in denial regarding the extinction of the “good black man?” Did he not understand simple economics? Was he just trying to avoid shattering my dreams? Or was his eyes so full of admiration for his “little girl” that he couldn’t imagine that I wouldn’t find a mate?
Nevertheless, the harsh reality has taught me some valuable lesson. #1 if you are looking for a man, maybe you should just STOP because the search will probably yield fruitless results. If it’s meant to be, it will come to you. #2, you probably should just stand for what you believe in and keep ALL your standards and not budge; because, even if you somehow become the “perfect woman” and/or start lowering your standards, the odds are still against you! Then not only will you be alone, but now you are alone with “low standards”. No good man wants a woman with low standards. Furthermore, these men’s standards are usually so arbitrary and ridiculous, that you will never be able to figure it out anyways. #3 you should expand your options/search. Dating other races is fine and acceptable and should be encouraged among black women, even though it’s usually not.
Now, I do forgive my father for this lack of information regarding simple economics in dating however, I promise to never fill my little girl with these princess dreams…NEVER….
Well then again, maybe I too will leave out this brutal information, I mean what little girl doesn’t enjoy a good Cinderella story growing up? lol
Just A Thought……………….